Roy Sure is Weird Today

Daniel Brothers

2/3/2020

Characters: Roy:a friend

Sal: a friend of a friend

Background man: An expert of physical comedy

Joe: the friend that has a friend to make a friend of a friend.

At rise: Roy sits on a bench waiting, it is cold and he is dressed for a european beach, but as a consequence looks quite good.

[Sal enters uncertainly, she is well bundled]

Roy: Sal? Hi! Its me, I'm Roy.

Sal: Roy! It's nice to finally meet you!

Roy: Are you a hugger? I'm a bit of a hugger.

Sal: Um, Yeah. Sure!

[they hug tenuously, Roy doesn't let go]

Roy: Oh it is so nice to finally meet you

Sal: Yeah.

[holds uncomfortably]

Sal: So you can let go now.

Roy: MmgmgmmCertainly!

[He does, and spins to sit on the bench and stare at Sal]

Sal: So how have you been then? I understand you've recently suffered a loss

Roy: Oh yeah, yeah yeah yeah, I'm well. So well! Did Joe tell you to cover up so much?

[A man enters behind them walking along a beach]

Sal: What? No. I just dressed comfortably for meeting someone new

Roy: Certainly not comfortable on the eyes. Or comfortable in general! Please there isn't anyone around.

[A man notices Roy say this]

Roy: What are you looking at?!

[Sal shoos them away with a curt gesture]

Roy: What are you saying now? Are you embarrassed to be talking to me? Is it because you can see... Too much?

Sal: No Roy, I just wanted to see what you were doing today, Joe was worried about you.

Roy: Oh wAs he? That's funny, because the last time I talked to Joe. He was asking me to hide a body.

Sal: I don't think that's true Roy.

Roy: No? oh come on you don't trust me?

Sal: No Roy I don't trust you at all.

Roy: It's because of what Joe said isn't it?

Sal: No it isn't because

Roy: He is full of damn LIES, all worried about me? He wasn't worried until I learned the truth, and now he is gonna fill your head with lies.

[Man walks by the other way, now with an ice cream, trying to not look like he is paying attention]

Sal: Look it's important when you are feeling angry

Roy: [quietly] I'm not angry. Where is Joe?

Sal: He isn't here Roy, it's just you and me.

[Roy makes eye contact with man]

Roy: Just you and me huh?

Sal: Yes let's sit and talk about it, let's do that!

[she takes off a layer and goes to sit at the bench to distract Roy]

Roy: No. No. I've got a better idea

[He starts after the man, who runs away off stage, Roy also exits]

Sal: Roy! ROY! Shit.

[Sal dials a number]

Hey, Joe. Get here. ASAP

[Joe enters from somewhere surprising]

Joe: How'd it go?

Sal: Jesus. [exhales] Not well. Roy is totally blasted, he is on something or he has broken something. I am worried about that man he chased after.

Joe: What man? Did Roy go after another guy?

Sal: Another? You told me he started acting weird.

Joe: Well it's pretty weird when your roommate has a dead guy in your living room.

Sal: Jesus, oh my god. I let him touch me? He killed a guy?

Joe: No! I don't think so, the guy was just dead. Not like traumatized or something. SO like unless he thought a man to death, which is crazy. Right? You can't think someone to death. Right?

Sal: Not unless those thoughts involve some sort of poisoning or something.

Joe: I didn't want to call the police.

Sal: Yeah, well you should have called some sort of assaillum\

Joe: For Roy? It's Roy!

Sal: I've never met him before! Certainly not the man he was now.

Joe: I can't institutionalize him

Sal: Well I would, because he was starting to say some troubling things about you.

Joe: What sort of things.

Sal: Let's just say he was thinking about you.

[offstage] Roy: SAAAAAAAAAALLLLLY

Joe: Oh shit.

[Joe exits, Roy enters totally unchanged physically but with a weight to his step]

Sal: Hi Roy. You can just call me Sal.

Roy: Sal.

Sal: Yeah Sal. Are you alright?

Roy: Yeah. It just happened again though.

Sal: What happened again Roy?

Roy: (bashfully) Nothing

Sal: What. Happened. Roy?

Roy: The weird man fell over again. I just wanted to catch him so you would listen to me.

Sal: I am listening Roy.

Roy: Are you?

Sal: Yes.

Roy: I think that I might be able to hurt people with my head Sal. I think an Angel touched me.

Sal: I think so too Roy.

Roy: Are you an Angel Sal?

Sal: Today, yes. Come on, let's go talk to that angel.

Roy: I'm glad you took off that coat. You look much better now.

Sal: Ok Roy. I want to help but you need to come with me. We need to find Joe.

Roy: Oh well why didn't you say so! Lets get that lying cheating [exits still cursing Joes name]

[Sal sighs heavily, and exits rapidly following]

Sal: ROY!

[Man enters the stage in a suit stained with ice cream]

Man: Are we all touched by something otherworldly? Does the strange, seem normal, in the context of a society of one? Why are the most frightening divergences from the norm, the most encaptivating? The answers are never clear, but so ends another divergence into that space between spaces. A dark light that shines through the shadow of a story. A shadow inexplicable to science as it borders the woodwork crafted by the carpenter known only as death.A feat of extraterrestrial woodworking, known only as the spooky door.