Eulogy for Robby Brothers
The following is the eulogy that I wrote for my brother's funeral. Robby dealt with depression for much of his life, and took his own life in the weeks before Christmas 2019. I hope that by publishing this I can help those who loved him mourn the difficult loss.
For Robby Brothers
I thought I’d start by sharing a few things that I have learned and been reminded of this week.
There is a crayon drawing to prove that he was ahead of the whole climate change thing from a young age, if he were president that would have been his top priority. He would carry a rock in his pocket sometimes, most of the times. He was a talented writer, with poems more bittersweet in his passing. He was especially good at an impression of a british policeman. As he was running, his face went from “ I might actually like this” to “oh god why am I doing this”. He once wrote and played a song with only one hand. His character Waldren is still alive and well in our game of dungeons and dragons, and I have the honor of voicing him in future campaigns. When asked who is friends were, he made a spreadsheet. On that topic, you’d be hard pressed to find a better boyfriend who planned his relationships on excel.
For Robby Brothers
I thought I’d start by sharing a few things that I have learned and been reminded of this week.
There is a crayon drawing to prove that he was ahead of the whole climate change thing from a young age, if he were president that would have been his top priority. He would carry a rock in his pocket sometimes, most of the times. He was a talented writer, with poems more bittersweet in his passing. He was especially good at an impression of a british policeman. As he was running, his face went from “ I might actually like this” to “oh god why am I doing this”. He once wrote and played a song with only one hand. His character Waldren is still alive and well in our game of dungeons and dragons, and I have the honor of voicing him in future campaigns. When asked who is friends were, he made a spreadsheet. On that topic, you’d be hard pressed to find a better boyfriend who planned his relationships on excel.
I worry, like many of us do, “what could I have done” or “what did I do”. What of my actions helped him or hurt him in some way in some wonderful way, in some terrible way. And I am sure that sometimes what we did hurt, and other times it helped. I’m of the unpopular opinion that you should remember both.
Robby was a sad person for most of his life. He was often downtrodden, I remember leaving him out, stealing his jokes, and laughing at his expense with his friends. It’s important to remember those things. Because within all of that and throughout all of that. Throughout the negativity perceived and also given, and the difficult path he tread.
Robby was a happy person, he was a kind and caring ear and hand to so many people including myself. He was gentle and loving in a way only dogs could understand. He would forgive everyone time and again because he had faith in people, in persons. Trust was a given for him. And that was true despite the times that you were mean to him, or pushed him off, or said you would listen to his podcast or song or whatever.
Remember all of those times that he was kind to you, and I know we all have those times. I’ve heard many of them with warm smiles and memories. I ask you to remember the times when you weren’t kind, or trusting. So that when you remember Robby he might continue to help you grow, and learn.
He wasn’t kind when it was convenient or easy, he was kind. He was. He was happy, and he was sad, he was kind and beautiful. And he is dead. Remember what he is doesn’t sully what he was, and what he was does not negate what he is. Remember both, the good and the bad, the alive and the dead. To forget either would be to stray from the truth, and the truth is what we seek, is who we are. I do not know if he has found truth after death, but I will leave you with his words so that you know that he sought to find the truth when he lived.
If I Fail To See
By Robby Brothers
If I fail to see where I’m going. If I fail to see what I’m writing. If I fail to see who I am.
I hope you can forgive me.
If I stumble. If I make unfulfilled promises. If I leave unachieved goals scattered throughout my life.
I hope you can understand, it is not meant as disrespect, it is not a lack of passion.
If I am silent. If I am sullen. If I am unproductive.
I hope you can find it in yourself to love me anyway.
Because if I fail to see myself through all my fear and insecurity,
as I dig my way out through all of my dreams and other dead things,
I hope I can find your hand,
waiting there to pull.
If I fail to see.